quit smoking

i was talking with one of my friends on msn today. his nick said “quit smoking!” so i chatted with him and he told me that he was “quitting”.

then i asked him more questions… “whats the definition of quitting smoking?”

if you have no more cigarretes and are no longer going to smoke, then you HAVE QUIT smoking! you aren’t quitting smoking. you HAVE QUIT! well done!

however, if you are “quitting smoking”, it simply means… YOU ARE STILL SMOKING!

so its pretty simple, you either are still smoking or you have quit!

this example about smoking is actually very relavent to similar decisions that we have to make in our life. to be a better person, to be fillial, to have integrity.

when we make a decision to do something, at that instant, we are it! when we make a decision to be a person of integrity, at that very moment, we instantly become a person of integrity! if we keep our integrity from that moment on, we would be a person of integrity! until we fail it!

there is no… ‘trying to quit’, ‘trying to be a better person’! there is no “quitting smoking”. you either quit, or you are still smoking.

you are either a person of integrity, or you are not, there’s no ‘trying’….

a beautiful mind…

we were all born with a mind…. a mind so pristine and pure…

then we started to hear….

then we started to listen…..

then we started to accept….

then we decided… that life’s just “like that”

that’s just sad….

we were all born with a pure mind.  we were all born with the RIGHT to fill it with thoughts that we want to. we were born with the RIGHT to have positive thoughts in them. but sadly… due to our ignorance and due to the fact that we were children, these right was given to the “adults” around us.

they started feeding us with thoughts and ideas whether or not we asked for it. “this auntie is such a miser”, “don’t work so hard la… we only got one life”, “don’t try too hard, you’ll only look bad when you fail”, “i hate working”, “i hate going to school”,”marry a rich man…. you’ll be taken care of”, “work hard and save”, “rich people are all cheats”, “you don’t get anywhere being a good guy”. some of these thoughts may be valid or even beneficial to one, some of these thoughts are far from being beneficial. but the one thing in common is that, many of us have been exposed to these thoughts whether or not we asked for it. were we robbed of the purity and cleanliness of our brain?

i believe our parents and our “seniors” have our bests interests at heart. but sometimes, good intention is not good enough. these ‘good’ intentions may just sabotage a person with the negative believe that successful people are bad people, resulting in him having a unwillingness to strive for success.

i was talking to a candidate today. she mentioned that her parents don’t want her to work too hard, coz it won’t be good for health over the long run. good intention. but what they don’t realise is that…. it is highly possible to have great health and work real hard at the same time! some parents say… “don’t need to work so hard la… just be happy…” with the true intention of wanting their children to seek for happiness instead of wealth. but if you look closely… you would realise that one can be:

poor & happy, poor & sad, rich & happy, rich & sad. it is not a zero sum game.

there is often a lot of leeway for improving the efficiency in the use of resources. one can spend 1hr a day with their parents over dinner with low/no communication. that is 7hrs a week. how is that compared with going out with the family once a week 2hrs, with high communication and joy? which would be preferred by your parents? life’s not a zero sum game, we just need to make it a good game for everyone.

please understand that i’m not trying to say that just because you are XXX years older than zero, its too late.

the good news is. you still have a brain. maybe not as pure, not as clean and definitely more polluted than you first began. but you still have a brain. you still have a brain that gives you choice. I’ve had friends tell me… “i’m like that… coz my mum brought me up like that….” “i know this is not good for me, but i’m like that coz that’s what i grew up believing”. i think it is absolutely disgusting that one blames one’s parents for one’s failures or negative mindset. you have a brain and you have free will to dictate what you are going to do next. you may have an inclination to do something you feel “natural”. but you have a brain to decide if that’s the best thing to do.

if you take away nothing else from this piece, i hope you at the very least take responsibility for your actions. and protect your mind from further pollution and seek ways to cleanse it. it takes just a simple decision to rid yourself of years of pollution. won’t be an easy journey, it’d be hard, but it’d definitely be worth it! =)

the power of association

when i was young, my dad once told me, “this kid is bad influence, don’t be too close to him”.

that was the first time and the only time my dad said that to me. i listened, but didn’t do much about it, he was a close friend. as i grew older, i understood. and am glad, that i didn’t get that close.

most of us have heard of the saying “birds of the same feather flock together”. but that saying is just a statement, that those that associate with one another are like one another, but does not identify or give hope to those that wishes to take action, to dissassociate from some and to associate with the selected few, hence ‘the power of association’ would be more appropriate.

its so easy to associate with the negative part of people. please note that i said negative PART of people and not simply negative people.  i believe you have likely experienced this…. been in a group…. hear someone complain about something(boss, spouse, sch work,etc) and everyone joins in. that happens more often than. “someone exclaiming how they love their work, their boss, their spouse etc…” due to these weird situation in society, people socialise with negativity instead of positivity. sad, but true.

i’ve also had the oppurtunity and the priviledge to be privy to the positive side of many =) i believe we each have our “sides”. you show your positive side to others and they’ll be more than glad to show their positive side to you. Due to conditioning, they may feel a little awkward or unnatural in the beginning, but they’ll be so glad to finally find someone to share their positiveness with.

to gain from the understanding of the power of association, you can:

1) surround yourself with positive people and  your role models

2) dissociate from people whom you do not wish to become

should you wish to challenge yourself:

1) be the beacon of light! and attract the positive side of people. provide the serenity and safety of an environment and partner that they can be positive with. be the person that others wish to associate with.

try them! =)

a gardener

heard it from a colleague today:

the role of a leader is somewhat like a garderner. He toils and focuses daily on ensuring that there are good soil conditions, water and fertiliser for the plants to grow. the unbelievable joy when green shoots emerge from a plant is what brings most joy to him.

though sharing the same soil, same roots, same nutrients, some leaves on the same plant would yellow and not absorb as much nutrients as others. and while dying may contaminate the other leaves, spreading like a cancer.

then it is the painful job of the gardener, to pluck out these yellowed leaves, so as to save the plant, for the rest of the leaves to thrive and so new shoots may grow.

interesting analogy. interesting perspective.

farming

seed planting is important…

but harvesting is key.

motivation

‘People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar’.

through the eyes of others…

i have been real busy trying to understand the differences between the different firms that we are considering.

i was chatting with a friend who happened to know our potential partners. i asked ” what do you think about Mr XXX” and the she replied “he’s very sincere and very passionate about the business. our malaysian office have specifically requested that we take good care of him. when he comes into our office, everyone chats with him, coz he’s so friendly and our staff are very comfortable with him”.

as i listened to the very positive description of this man that i was asking about, my mind started to wonder. I wonder what do people remember me by? I wonder what they say when others ask them what they think about me. amidst such sincere honest positive description about someone else,  i am truly humbled.

i’ve had this conversation with friends before. i for one do not live to be judged by others, but at the same time, i do know that sometimes, i may not be in the best position to judge myself.

i’ve had an aquaintance say this to me, “i don’t care what others think, if i think i’m good, i’m good” i would agree that many a times, people do not understand what the individual is going through at certain periods of their life and may not be in the best position to judge, but i also believe that if MANY independent, seperate and objective individuals from different backgrounds see an issue, there probably is an issue. there is a possibility that they may ALL be wrong, but that possibility is low.

there’s is an ideal i would like others to remember me by. knowing full well that i can’t make everyone love me, i shall not let that serve as an excuse for me to not strive to be remembered the way i would like to =)

what do you think people say when others ask them what they think about you? =)

what would you like to be remembered by? =)